How to Reject People On a Night Out

Thursday, October 27, 2011 Andrea Lo 0 Comments

Note: Don't spray Moet in their faces. It will just make them stay
Every day we get asked a lot of things: questions, directions, your number, etc. Girls in particular are more susceptible to being approached by random strangers who ask a variety of things, especially on nights out when alcohol is involved. Since so many people I know, and again girls in particular, find it difficult to say no to others, here is a guide to rejecting people on nights out based upon past experiences. Male readers, please take note too.

What's your name?
Good Mood: (Tells them fake name.)
Average Mood: Why?
Bad Mood: (Walks off.)

What are you girls up to tonight?
Good Mood: We might go somewhere later.
Average Mood: Drinking.
Bad Mood: Not much.

Can I get your number?
Good Mood: OK. Oh damn, I don't know my number off by heart and forgot my phone.
Average Mood: I'm sorry, I don't really give out my number.
Bad Mood: Why? Are you lost?

Are you single?
Good Mood: No.
Average Mood: No.
Bad Mood: No.

You're not single? Is your boyfriend here?
Good Mood: Yeah, he's around.
Average Mood: Yeah, he's coming to find me now.
Bad Mood: Yeah, he's the bouncer.

Where do you live?
Good Mood: Down the road.
Average Mood: Nearby.
Bad Mood: In a flat.

Do you want to come back to mine?
Good Mood: I can't... Next time!
Average Mood: No thanks.
Bad Mood: Fuck off.

Do you want to come back to mine? (Non-sexual)
Good Mood: I kind of want to stay, are you leaving now?
Average Mood: Cool, I think I'm staying for a bit.
Bad Mood: Bye.

Do you want to have sex?
Good Mood: That's really sweet, but I can't... Thank you for the offer though!
Average Mood: Um... Haha.
Bad Mood: You can't be fucking serious.

Let me buy you a drink?
Good Mood: I can't let you do that, but thanks anyway.
Average Mood: It's ok, I got this one.
Bad Mood: Stop looking at me like you want to fuck me.

Can you buy me a drink?
Good Mood: If I do I won't have any money to get home.
Average Mood: You probably shouldn't drink anymore.
Bad Mood: No.

Can we jump the queue?
Good Mood: Whatever.
Average Mood: What the hell?
Bad Mood: FUCK OFF, HOE!

Can I steal a cigarette off you?
Good Mood: OK... But you owe me one!
Average Mood: You better pay me back.
Bad Mood: I'm smoking my last one.

Can I borrow your lighter?
Good Mood: I can't find it but I guess you can use the end of my cigarette.
Average Mood: I can't find it.
Bad Mood: I don't have one.

Can you come to the bathroom?
Good Mood: I'll wait for you outside.
Average Mood: Do you need to throw up?
Bad Mood: I'll just meet you by the bar.

Do you want to go to (bar/someone's house) for post-lash?
Good Mood: Well we're already here, might as well stay.
Average Mood: Let me finish my drink and decide.
Bad Mood: Why? I fucking hate that place.

Do you know (so-and-so)?
Good Mood: Yes.
Average Mood: I'm not too sure.
Bad Mood: No, I don't know who the fuck that is.
[Name droppers are the fucking worst.]

[Any pick-up lines made based on race] 
Good Mood: Hah.
Average Mood: Never heard that one before.
Bad Mood: Can you not? [Escape strategy for when conversation runs out with someone]
Good Mood: Well have a good night!
Average Mood: I have to pee...
Bad Mood: I should go find my friend.