Seven Mistakes at the Hong Kong Sevens

Tuesday, March 17, 2015 Andrea Lo 0 Comments

It's that time of the year. Brace yourselves for the seven mistakes you will make at this year's Hong Kong Sevens, a three-day weekend disguised as back-to-back world-class rugby games but is really just a blackhole that will suck all the soul out of you.

1. Making a 7am Start
It begins with judgmental looks from everyone who walks by you. Last year, after successfully fighting off a bunch of bananas, I managed to hop into a cab with two human-sized crayons in tow. The driver said: “You don’t even have to say it. I know exactly where you’re going.” The tragic realisation sinks in: you are waking up extra early just to get drunk at the South Stand.

2. Stealing Somebody’s Food
As a child, you are told not to accept candy from creepy strangers. As a woman, you are told not to pay attention to creepy strangers. All of these usually go out the window at the Sevens. Case in point: my colleague and I once shared an almost-empty bucket of chicken, which somebody sitting in the row behind.

3. Pretending to Like People
There are people who I only see once a year, and that is at the South Stand. Every time, we arrange to meet up. 'Let’s hang out soon!' We squeal, only to end up seeing each other again at the exact same spot the following year, having the exact same conversation.

4. Assuming the Warm Liquid On You is Beer
If you find yourself hit by a cup of lukewarm, yellow liquid, stop lying to yourself that it’s beer. It’s never beer.

5. Tactical Chundering
Listen, guys. There is actually nothing wrong with a little TC. Don’t pretend you haven’t been there. You have a lot to drink, you feel kind of ill, and you want to keep partying — so you let it all out. Afterwards, carry on as normal.

6. Having a Hangover on Saturday Afternoon
I try to stay sober on Saturday. It’s a long day and you have to keep the stamina going. What I didn’t realise is that drinking around 9am and slowing down around lunchtime simply means your hangover literally hits you while you’re mid-conversation. I have decided the best way to combat this is to not stop. Confucius once said, 'If you keep drinking, you’ll never hang.'

7. Getting Unnecessarily Hyped Up On Sunday
While I try to hold it together on Saturday, Sunday is the day that really gets me. Everybody is a little bit less turnt up, and the hairy, sweaty, hungover crowd only emerges slowly like Gollum from his cave at around 2pm. With all of this in mind, I let my guard down too much, and I down several Pimm’s thinking it’s going to be fine. Then it hits me as quickly as my Saturday afternoon hangover… And before I know it, I end up in a corner with some dude whose name I don’t remember. Ugh.