How to Turn Down For Sleep

Sunday, July 20, 2014 Andrea Lo 0 Comments

Lil Jon is at it again: the rapper has created another WTF hit, the lyrics of which have begun to penetrate our daily vocab, just like 'to the window, to the wall' all those years ago.

I have heard conflicting reports of the exact meaning behind the phrase, Turn Down For What. When I first listened to the song, I assumed Lil Jon was questioning hotel turndown services. Which is strange, considering the lifestyle rappers are accustomed to.

Some say it refers to the volume, but that still doesn't make any sense. There's normally a perfectly good reason why people would turn down the volume at a party, like, you know, noise complaints.

So it turns out that Lil Jon meant something totally different.

I'm so uncultured.

But this song got me thinking about Turning Down. Why do we live in a world where turning down is something to be ashamed of, so much so that Lil Jon and DJ Snake have to write a whole song about it? What is so wrong with not chugging J├Ągerbombs at 3am on a Wednesday?

I like going out. I'm out all the time. In fact, I am probably out too much. So can you blame me when sometimes, I need to turn down?

Y'all know what I'm talking about. So you're surrounded by your drunk friends. You love them, and you like hanging out with them. But it's all getting a little bit out of hand. You have to work on that thing tomorrow. You really want to go home, but you feel bad. Someone just ordered another round of shots. For some reason, it's really hard to just stand up and leave. You want to be in your bed, eating Doritos, and passing out while reading Top 10 Reasons You Will Die Alone on Buzzfeed.

Here's how to do it.

1. Slip away

This is easiest at the club. Also applies to an environment where people are feeling disoriented and scattered, for example: standing around at the pier after a junk trip. You need to do this stealthily: it's not as easy as it sounds. Start to walk a few steps behind the rest of the party, but not so much that people stop and wait for you. Once at a respectable distance from everyone else, leave without making eye contact, so as to minimise the risk of being guilt-tripped into staying out.

2. Pretend to meet people somewhere else

Tell the people you're with that you have to go say hi to some other people. Where, they ask? Respond with 'the club', then move on. Do not give out the name of some bar or club, with the hope that they will get off your case. If you do this, the only thing that will happen is them shrieking and exclaiming how much they love said club, then rounding up the troupes to tag along. Then you're stuck for another hour.

3. 'Cuddle'

K is the inspiration behind this one. She and her S.O. knew that they weren't getting out of the situation, so they told everyone that they wanted to leave the bar and 'cuddle'. No one wants to cockblock a couple, so if you do this you're guaranteed to GTFO with no problem.

4. Be on the phone

People who go out and constantly play on their smartphone are annoying as fuck. There is no doubt about this. Unless they are trying to get in touch with people who are coming to join the party, there is no reason for them to be on that thing. So if you sit there and play on your smartphone all night, you will be that person. People will stop making conversation with you, exclude you from the next round, and eventually, forget you even exist. Then you can stand up and leave, and no one will stop you.

5. Make yourself hated

OK, so you really can't leave. Maybe it's your best friend's birthday shindig, and they won't live beyond the next year. But you are a shit best friend, and you really want to leave. So then what do you do? Act like a huge bitch; make everyone uncomfortable. Yell at the waiter for something that isn't their fault. Have a huge fight with your S.O. in front of everyone, in which you accuse them of having a small penis. Start crying about how much your life sucks, because your parents didn't pay your rent last month. Then see the crowd part like the red sea to make way for your exit.

6. Throw up

People will let you leave.