Things to Do Before the Apocalypse 2012

Sunday, January 08, 2012 Andrea Lo 0 Comments

The apocalypse is happening in December, or at least so reported reputable publications like the Daily Mail. The End of the World will supposedly happen sometime between 21-23 December, 2012, meaning we won't have to spend time or money shopping for Christmas gifts, or put up with the ridiculous crowds on New Years Eve.

It does, however, mean that I have spent the last three precious years of my life studying for a degree all for nothing.

Fortunately, I have a six-month gap between graduating and the apocalypse.

Here is a to-do list I recommend everyone carry out before the Apocalypse at the end of this year.

Do something that you have always wanted to do.
Always wanted to jump out of a plane? Do it. Feel like dry humping in public? Find someone who is willing to do it with you. This is the year to do everything that you have always wanted to do, before it becomes too late and we become reduced to merely a spec of dust in the universe.

Shop 'til you drop
What is the point in leaving your pennies behind? Just spend it all. Buy that island in the Caribbean that you have always wanted; order a custom-made, volcano-shaped yacht to take you there. After that, go on a booze cruise that takes you to all those Central American countries notorious for their hookers and cocaine.

Pick up a religion of your choice
If you have sinned and are afraid to end up in hell, now is a good time for you to start believing in a greater being. Christianity is predictable but popular - once a typical option for middle-aged single women with a penchant for cats, being a born-again Christian seems to be back in fashion. Otherwise, Buddhism advocates reincarnation, which offers an escape from the western idea of hell. While I am not an expert on Scientology, I hear that it has a lot to do with aliens. Since at least one apocalypse theory involves alien invasion, it might be useful to stay on their good side.

Carry out revenge
It is important to keep your enemies close, just in case in some bizarre twist of fate you end up with them as an alliance against an invasion launched by an unknown species. However, don't forget the grief and torment your enemies once caused you. For example, since we're all going to die anyway, your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend surely won't mind too much if you key his/her car as a way of releasing your inner anger before the apocalypse.

Eat, drink, and be merry
Laugh at January dieters in the face. The year 2012 is all about indulging yourself gastronomically. Who knows where we're going to end up after the apocalypse, and if we're going to even get to eat anything at all. Don't beat yourself up about having the last slice of cake. It will all but be a distant memory come 21 December.